Round 1 – Read 1 Comments:
This was a fascinating and original story. The premise of the plot was unique. We were curious to see what would happen. The quality of the writing was better than average as was the level of screenwriting skill. The story had structure and the basic scene execution was crafted well especially the action scenes. However, the approach to the subject matter was slightly romantized and theatrical. There were hints of the early twentieth century in the way the physical environment was described. But the attitudes and point of view of the characters had a contemporary sensibility. The pacing was good. There was conflict not only in the inherent situaton of the plot but on a deeper level in the relationships between the characters. The subpot that involved the older brother and mob boss provided a compelling source of conflict. The big dramatic finale was a little contrived but we didn’t mind.
The characters were done well. We liked our duo. Each brother had a distinct personality. Although there were times when we weren’t sure why the older brother wanted to make movies in the first place. The mob boss was true to the stereotype but had dimension. We liked the “Colonel” at the wild west show. The dialogue was good. But as stated didn’t sound appropriate for the era. There were some magical moments throughout. The meaning in the message at the end was satifying.
Round 1 – Read 2 Comments:
The story of this script is a slight twist on the gangster genre. Here, two brothers escape Edison for Los Angeles in the early days of film. They have a lens system that lets them project big screen images and know that it’s the future of cinema. In order to launch their project, they borrow money from the Black Hand.
The story is fairly clever in how it weaves in early Western performers and builds to a confrontation between various organized crime gangs over the brother’s apparatus. It’s a good premise with an effective beginning, middle, and end.
The story has a professional structure. Scenes build on each other and escalate to a true climax with reversals in the expected places. The brothers drive the story with their decisions.
It’s well-written. Description is clear. Format is professional. The writing is polished.
The characters are functional. They work well for the story but they’re not memorable standouts. The same is true of their dialog. It works. It fits them and the time. It’s not quotable.
I liked the early Los Angeles setting. The way the period is portrayed was convincing.